3 Things I’ve Learned from my Failed Long-Distance Relationship

I have been putting off this post for a while now because posting about my personal life seems less and less of a good idea as I grow older due to having more responsibilities and consequences to face. However, when I looked back at why I even started blogging, I realised how much life has changed since then.

My blog used to be my online diary, to document every single thing about my life regardless of whether it's boring or interesting. Sharing personal stories pulls your reader closer to you and (sometimes) giving you the support you might not realised you need. Then it became a chore as I grow older when start working freelance and having other commitments. It soon became a platform for me to earn extra income and to feature products for reviews. Readers plummeted because that was not what they were here originally for as my blog gets more and more "commercialised".

It has been a long time since I've documented in details, my feelings, thoughts and little things in my life and I would want my blog to be just that. An outlet for me to pour my feelings, regardless of whether it's right or wrong, a place for me to retreat into, a sanctuary.

Twitter, Instagram and Facebook are just not the same. How much can you really share within a word limit? How much emotion can you put in one picture? How many people actually care when they are forced to see your annoying Facebook statuses on their timelines?

Many may not know (I've been keeping this issue very private) that my relationship has recently ended. It has been a huge roller coaster of emotions and I'm alarmed by how much my world has changed within a course of just a couple of days.

As most people would know, I was engaged in a long distance relationship. Silly me thought back then (and i still believe to this very day) that as long as there is love. It can overcome everything. Army, distance, whatever, we can top it all.

But when did we stopped trying?

I'm not here to justify who is right and who is wrong or talk about what happened. I'm here to do some self-reflection and I hope this post may be helpful for anyone out there who is currently in a relationship, long distance or not.

1) Expression of love
I know I've given this piece of advice to my girlfriends many many times, yet I've failed to apply it on myself. Everyone expresses their love differently. It is not as simple as finding sweet little texts more romantic than little thoughtful gifts. It applies to communication as well. Your partner may find expressing love through texts to be sufficient and heartfelt while you prefer face-to-face conversations or hours and hours of talking over the phone. The method of communication does not justify the amount of love, rather the frequency and quality of the communication is what makes people feel love as you update each other about your lives etc. However, people have to understand, the method of communication tho plays a part on the quality, is not an indicator of the amount of love each party has.

2)Being understanding
I've always believed that I am a very understanding person. I am relatively good at being able to see both side of the story and I viewed myself as being empathetic enough to feel for both parties -- even if I am one of the parties. But of course, sometimes no matter how much you understand the situation and no matter how much your logic tells you what's actually happening. You can never control how you feel about certain situations. Maybe it's "wrong" to be  upset in this situation, I recognise that. But it's not gonna make me feel any better just because I know that I'm in the wrong. Yes I'm feeling lousy because so and so hasn't replied my text for approximately 8 hours but maybe because so and so were out the night before? Serving the army? Even if I have no idea what happened I shouldn't jump to conclusions shouldn't I? But does that stop me from feeling lousy? Nope.

3)Commitment a.k.a constantly putting effort to love the person you found
A relationship is not always a bed of roses. Being in a relationship means constantly loving the person you found. Sustaining a relationship requires you to work on it day in and out, it's a conscious effort to always focus on the good and ignore the bad. It is finding ways to love yourself and your partner together, not just yourself or your partner. I used to think I'm great at commitments because I do not have to be spoon fed on things I should do or should not do by my partner, rather I actively sought out my partner's preferences and work my life, as reasonably as possible, around it. But..what do I know right? I've tried to make things better but I didn't realise that it's my thoughts that might have contributed to this. Thoughts of how things shouldn't be this way and all the "if only"s and "what if"s that bugged my mind all day. How can you learn to love your partner if you're constantly daydreaming about what could have been better?

I guess I do not really have much to conclude about this rather lengthly blog post. I can only step back into the single club with these new lessons that i've learnt and hopefully I'll finally find someone who would commit to me as I would to him.

I'm still really unhappy everyday just as I was during the last days of the relationship but the crying has significantly become less frequent and the hurt is slowly ebbing away. I honestly don't know what is for me next. Feeling lost but I guess the most logical thing to do next is to focus on what is left of my educational journey and also the start of my career path.

What really really really sucks is knowing that I'll definitely be jealous of the next lucky girl who's gonna be in a relationship with him, because I know that that could have been me except I'll never ever be in that position again. What really sucks is to know this has been so hard and everything's been hell and your best is never enough. What really sucks is I can never hate you because I understand, your position and mine and it's really painful to know things can just never be the same again. Not for him anyway.

Really don't know how to end this blogpost. So yeah. Bye.

xoxo.