Warning, this entry's gonna be super wordy, you have been warned!!!
So i've gotten myself a couple of self-improvement books (yes, i constantly strive for perfection)
while browsing through the shelves, i spotted this book call "The Single Trap"
As you guys probably know, i've been single for almost 2 years now and though i'm quite contented with living life this way (i don't really fancy drastic changes you see) i still yearn to have somebody special to always shower me with lotsa attention and love. (yes i'm an attention seeking whore, i accept that)
"Are you tired of casual relationships and playing 'the game'? Do you want to settle down, but can't seem to be able to find the right person? Have you just come out of a long-term relationship or had your heart badly broken? Do you worry that nobody will love you again?"
So yupp, i bought the book just because of that one statement. LOL
But ofcourse that's not the main point of the whole blog post. Point is, (even though i have yet to complete the book but i'm already halfway there) the book describes how you're actually attracted to people who're like your parents! Although at first i was prettty skeptical and was prettyyyyy sure i wouldn't ever walk the path my mom chose to, at least in her love life. But i came to realize as i devour more into the book, that actually it's totally talking about the story of my life! Though there is also a small portion about the law of attraction, like attracts like and all the bullshit ya~da~da~da~lol.
Alright, maybe i was exaggerating a little but here is a snippet off the book. This is the part whereby they're describing the different type of mothers and what effect they might have on you. (I chose to write about moms as most people should know by now, i've always been very reliant on my mom as she's a huge part of my life. Thus the dad part of the book actually really don't have much effect on me but it might be for you!)
Legacies from Moms
" 'At work i find myself taking the blame for a report being late -- even if it landed on my desk only a couple of hours before the deadline' says 28 year old Cathy. Not surprisingly she found it very hard to ask her boyfriends for anything. 'I couldn't just tell him i would have appreciated it if he arranged a birthday party for me at a local restaurant,' she confessed. 'Instead, i would drop hints and make suggestions and then get very angry when he didn't do anything'...... (lol story of my life)
Reasons why this can make you single: Your experiences of close relationships have been draining and claustrophobic. So it is not surprising that you are wary of being trapped and find commitment difficult. You either have a tough independent exterior that stops people approaching or have a series of short-lived relationships that have never truly got off the ground' ............"(OMG FUCKING THIS! i'm like WTF when i read this paragraph and i've always thought there's something wrong with me that's why i'm always meeting the wrong guy/jerks and having the worst fucking luck on the whole fucking planet because im such a fucking unlucky person.)
"Mothers want the best for their children, but sometimes their desire for their children to succeed comes across as criticism, often making them feel that they can never truly please them. 'I have become very critical of myself,' admits Richard, a 33-year old lawyer, 'it is almost as if i can hear her voice in my head pushing me on. On one hand, that has helped my career but i never seem to enjoy my achievements.'
Last Christmas Richard talked to his aunt and got a wholly different take on his mother from his aunt. 'She had bore her sister silly with all this praise and boasting about me. I just wish Mum had told me' (lol story of my life yet again like seriously wtf)
Reasons why this can make you single: You either keep finding fault with partners, dumping them and hoping that the next will be perfect, or you have become incredibly defensive, fly off the handle at the slightest thing and your partner feel that you are ;too high-maintenance'. (THIS THIS THIS!!!! WTF! hahaha fuck the lives of my ex boyfriends/lovers/whatever. lol told y'all dating me is a jinx already and no i don't have flings. :B )
So i think it's enough off the book for this blog post. There is actually more to the book than all this of course. One part about Satisfiyer and Maximiser.
Satisfiyers and Maximisers
Basically a Satisfiyer finds things that are excellent or good enough whereas a Maximiser will only be happy when they've found the best deal, checked and made sure there is no one out there better for yourself and constantly live in the fear/discomfort that they might not have gotten the best deal/boyfriend/girlfriend and constantly looking back, doubting/wondering.
"Unlimited choices could be the root of our high levels of unhappiness, dissatisfaction and depression. It makes it harder to choose and also make people believe that somewhere there is the perfect product/guy/girl. For instance Barry Schwartz, Professor of Social Theory and Social Action. When he went to buy some jeans as he had worn them out and simply wanted to replace them. Instead, he was offered easy fit, relaxefd fit, baggy or extra baggy. Did he want them stone-washed, acid-washed or distressed? the assistant asked. While the professor looked at her blankly, she asked if he wanted zip or button fly and faded or regular. It is easy to laugh at an academic, out of touch with fashion but when it comes to dating, we have the same dilemma......"
"Back to the Professor and his search of jeans. The assistant conferred with her colleague to try to decide what he meant by regualr jeans, 'You know, the kind that used to be the only kind', and point him to the right direction. So far so good but Professor Schwartz began to wonder if one of the other options would be more comfortable/better fit and ultimately look better on him."
So, i don't even need to take the mini test in the book, I've already known from the moment i read the paragraph that i'm a Maximiser D: If there's any comfort to myself, it was stated in the book that i'm a "Domain Specific Maximiser" which means i only have very high expectation for myself/things around me/people in certain areas like work/studies/relationships. Which is bad enough IMO. lol especially in the relationship part. No wonder i'm single for so long la fuck! -huff-
It's like, you can always settle for someone excellent and all but you will always doubt and wonder how would your life be if you're still single? Did you really meet your Mr Right? Or has he came and left because you weren't available when he finally turned up?
No, i'm not trying to be arrogant and stuck up here. Not trying to say that nobody is good enough for me but i just constantly have this fear. There's always so much fear/worries in me. Sometimes i worry too much about things that i should not be even worrying about at the moment.
Like what if next time my career fails? Who take care of me? What if my boyfriend/husband cheats on me? I know i can never take it, i would probably go mad. What if my Mom don't approve of him? What if my friends,sis,bros can't click with him?
And many more hahaha. I guess i should probably stop here it's getting ridiculously long (that's what she said hehehe)
Alright byebye! :B
p/s: i have my everyday make up video that y'all requested done up! but i'm still trying to figure out the voice over and background music shit, if anybody who's really tech savvy and is willing to help me. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE. fb chat/tweet me/text me/whatever me. i would seriously appreciate it!!!!
p/s/s: I've actually only typed in a very very short paragraph of the book because i don't want to bore you with too much information. hehehe if you're interested, the book's really cheap. I got it for only $6.90 at the POPULAR bookstore.
p/s/s/s: alright end of post foreal!